As we approach the close of another year, I find myself in a reflective mood, pondering the twists and turns that have shaped my journey. Writing down my thoughts and feelings has been a lingering desire, one I've postponed due to the fear of judgment and the daunting question of whether my words will resonate.
I've come to recognize a pattern in my life—a tendency to procrastinate and self-sabotage, driven by the ever-present fear of comparison. It's not the typical addiction people may associate with, like drugs or alcohol; instead, mine manifests as a relentless search for the next shiny object or magic key that will unlock the potential within my business and reveal my purpose.
Yet, deep down, I acknowledge the futility of seeking a roadmap for the future. Life is unpredictable, and no amount of searching can unveil the intricacies of the journey ahead. The unpredictable life has twisted and turned us a few times over the last few years which has resulted in us being in a much better place than we were, better than our family before us, and better than our expectations. In these reflections, I find solace in my faith in Christ, recognizing that our purpose and journey are known only to Him. Philippians 2:12 reinforces this belief, serving as a guiding light in moments of uncertainty.
I understand that expressing one's faith might not align with the current societal norms, but I'm unapologetically true to who I am. If our beliefs don't align, perhaps our paths are not meant to intertwine. I yearn for connections with friends who share similar beliefs, creating a space for discussions that delve into the profound aspects of life.
A significant revelation has been shedding the layers of concealment. No longer do I feel the need to hide different facets of myself depending on the context. There's a newfound courage to step away from the shadows and embrace authenticity, regardless of where I am.
In the midst of self-discovery, I've confronted my addiction to the allure of new opportunities and quick fixes. The realization hit hard—no program, book, or course can magically transform without the dedication and effort of the individual. Writing this serves as my accountability, an acknowledgment of my tendency to replace action with mere acquisition.
Negative self-talk has been a persistent adversary, perpetuating doubts about my worth. Reading "Get Out of Your Head" by Jennie Allen has become a crucial step in identifying and addressing these issues. The revelation that 70% of our thoughts tend to be negative has been an eye-opener, prompting me to strive for a more positive mindset.
My journey into personal development began in 2018/2019 with audiobooks, a pursuit fueled by a hunger for knowledge beyond the Air Force's mandatory learning. "Girl, Wash Your Face" marked a turning point, revealing shared fears and thoughts. Courses based on John C. Maxwell's teachings and events like Live2Lead became integral to my growth.
John Maxwell's "The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth" has been transformative, particularly the law of intentionality. It compelled me to reevaluate my 26-year career in the Air Force, recognizing the growth gaps I had inadvertently fallen into. The realization that I hadn't positioned myself for higher ranks due to self-perceived limitations was a poignant revelation.
My perfectionist tendencies and concerns about timing held me back, creating a gap that I'm now addressing. The comparison gap, too, was a stumbling block, keeping me within the confines of my comfort zone.
In sharing these reflections, I hope to connect with others who may identify with similar struggles. Our journeys are unique, yet the challenges we face are often shared. If you haven't read "The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth," I encourage you to explore its insights. Let's embark on a deeper discussion about our paths, aspirations, and the lessons learned as we navigate the complexities of life.